Dissociation: A Weighted Greyness

“Your words to me just a whisper, Your face is so unclear, I try to pay attention, Your words just disappear, ‘Cause it’s always raining in my head.” Staind, Epiphany, 2001 [1] Artist: Staind, Album: Break the Cycle, Released: 2001

The URANTIA Book language preaches, “The family is the fundamental unit of fraternity in which parents and children learn those lessons of patience, altruism, tolerance, and forbearance which are so essential to the realization of brotherhood among all men.” * [2]84:7:28 (941.9) The Urantia Book. Chicago: Urantia Foundation, 1955

Meanwhile, sometimes it was a belt, but usually Dad’s redirection was ‘Big Hands,’ which was my Grandmother’s term for hitting. I received one particular belt-welt on my upper thigh, when Dad had chased me into the kitchen, and I had nowhere to run. I don’t think he’d liked the mark it had left that time.

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References   [ + ]

1. Artist: Staind, Album: Break the Cycle, Released: 2001
2. 84:7:28 (941.9) The Urantia Book. Chicago: Urantia Foundation, 1955

Physical Memory Loss

“…suppressing our recollections can create a “virtual lesion” in the brain that casts an “amnesiac shadow” over the formation of new memories.” (Davis, 2016) [1] Nicola Davis, Suppressing traumatic memories can cause amnesia, research suggests, New study could explain why people suffering from PTSD and other psychological disorders can have difficulty forming everyday memories, 2016 https://www.theguardian.com/science/2016/mar/15/suppressing-traumatic-memories-can-cause-amnesia-research-suggests

It’s interesting that they term this ‘virtual wound’ as a ‘shadow,’ since I called mine a ‘Grey Box.’ My ‘Grey Box of Practiced Memory-Loss’ could get out of control — it still can. When I’d realized I could purposely, actively call it up to watch it cover and drag away a thought, it was interesting. It was entertaining.

My Father would tell me God’s secrets and I wasn’t supposed to share them with anyone, so it became advantageous that the Grey Box covered and dragged away a story or incident. At the point of the next continuation of the same conversation, most of the event would float to the surface and bloom open for me to recall.

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References   [ + ]

1. Nicola Davis, Suppressing traumatic memories can cause amnesia, research suggests, New study could explain why people suffering from PTSD and other psychological disorders can have difficulty forming everyday memories, 2016 https://www.theguardian.com/science/2016/mar/15/suppressing-traumatic-memories-can-cause-amnesia-research-suggests

Thought Adjuster or Mind Control?

“6. Loading the Language. The group interprets or uses words and phrases in new ways so that often the outside world does not understand. This jargon consists of thought-terminating clichés, which serve to alter members’ thought processes to conform to the group’s way of thinking.” (Lifton 1961) [1]

“Just trust me.” This was Dad’s go-to ‘thought-stopping cliché.’

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